A story of birth and loss

I was in quite a bit of pain that whole weekend. I really didn’t get anything done. Not even any laundry for the week. I went in to my usual weekly appt. with the OB. I was 36 weeks that day. I walked in and was taken right back. The appointment was going as usual. The doctor came in and measured me. I was measuring 52 cm. I was so uncomfortable that when he was talking about inducing me in 2 weeks I just started crying. He said I know that you are uncomfortable, let’s check you.

He checked me and said Oh, you’re at 5 cm, looks like you are going to have these babies today. I want you to go over to L&D.

I called my boyfriend and my sister and proceeded to go to the hospital. When I got there they laid me down and hooked me up. I just stayed like that with my regular mild contractions. They came in to do the US to check positions of the babies and Irene was still transverse but she was spine up. The doctors talked to me and I then decided that I was more afraid then I thought I was of C sections. I decided to try vaginal and hope for the best.

They checked me again at like 6 o’clock and I was at a 6cm dilated. They doctor decided to come over and break my water for baby A. That was horrible because Fernando Jr was trying to grab the doctor’s hand. SO they had to push up from the vagina and down on the fundus. OUCH!!! After that things started to pick up. At about 8 o’clock they decided on starting pitocin. I have had Pitocin before and decided that before they started that I would like to get my Epidural. It took 3 tries to get it in, but it was a really great Epi. When it was time to push they wheeled me down to the OR and we started to push after a couple of minutes.

Fernando Rueben Hernandez Jr. was born at 18 inches long weighing 4lbs and 14 oz. They made me wait between pushes while they saw what Irene did. After a couple of contractions they started to push her head down. After getting her into place, two pushes later Irene Amelia Hernandez made her d√©but screaming her head off. She was 17 inches long and 4 lbs and 11 oz. They were taken to the reg nursery, but only lasted an hour and a half before being taken over to the NICU for some O2. They were in the NICU for the longest 10 days of my life. We have now been home for 2 days. I am so happy. ūüôā The sweetest babies and an easy delivery. I feel so blessed.

Now I will tell you what happened the night of March 1st. My little boy Fernando had been sick with a cold for a couple of days. I took him to bed with me to Breast feed at about 11:30 at night. This was my first day back at work. When I woke up a little over an hour later, he was gone. After an investigation they ruled his death SIDS. I am devastated. I feel horrible, I feel guilty. I miss my little boy so much. He will have been gone for 6 months tomorrow. As his sister grows she is now 7 ¬Ĺ months old. I remember not only him, but think of how they would be interacting now. They would be laughing at each other and maybe even fighting. I feel bad; I don’t want to overshadow my daughter’s life with her angels. Maybe his whole purpose was just to bring her to me. I will never know. I will always be a twin mom, but feel cheated out of the joy of seeing them grow up together. I love all four of my children so much.

Thank you,

Sara L.M. NE, USA

I’m 28 years old and have always wanted a large family

I’m 28 years old and have always wanted a large family.¬†My husband and I had difficulty conceiving our first child and finally, after 7 months of fertility drugs, I was pregnant.¬†I had an uneventful pregnancy and a wonderful, healthy daughter.¬†So when Ashley was almost 2, we were ready for baby #2.¬†And now that we knew which drug worked for us, we thought it would be easy…but there was nothing easy about this pregnancy.

The drug that worked for our first was no longer on the market so we had to try something else.¬†It worked on the second try and at our first sonogram, we saw 4 sacs.¬†I became hyperstimulated, OHSS, from the fertility drug and was put on bedrest for 3 weeks in my first trimester.¬†Once the OHSS finally resolved, I continued to be closely monitored as high risk.¬†My doctor asked me to consider a reduction as I would not be able to carry quadruplets to term.¬†But, at my 11th week sonogram, I thought that decision had been made for me because only 3 had heart beats and continued to grow.¬†So I was having triplets and I couldn’t be more excited.¬†I always wanted 4 children, I was just going to have them closer than I had thought.

At 21 weeks, I had a regular appointment at the high risk unit.¬†They did a sonogram to finish the level 2 since all 3 didn’t cooperate last time.¬†I already knew I was having ¬†2 boys and a girl.¬†The tech measured my cervical length and got the doctor.¬†He said it was too short, about 1/8 in, and I needed to go right over to the hospital.¬†I was shocked and so scared…I had no idea, but apparently I was in labor.¬†When I got to the hospital, I was immediately sentenced to strict bed rest in trendelenberg (bed where head is lower than the legs) and placed on a monitor.¬†The babies were fine, but I was contracting, 2 cm dilated, and my bag of water was bulging out of my cervix.¬†I was started on magnesium to stop the contractions and it was awful.¬†Then I needed to have a cerclage placed to close the cervix.¬†It was extremely risky because the bag could rupture during the procedure.¬†I had to be awake during it and was lying almost completely upside down, listening to every word the doctors said.¬†The procedure was successful and I was back to Labor and Delivery, lying upside down.¬†I wasn’t allowed to even sit up for a second.¬†As hard as that was, I would have done anything to save my babies.

I had to stay in the hospital, on complete bed rest, with some awful medications to stop contractions for as long as possible.¬†But at exactly 24 weeks, just 2 1/2 weeks later, the contractions were worse and¬†I felt some fluid or mucus come out.¬†It was just after midnight July 25, 2005.¬†My doctor came in and told me to call my husband.¬†I couldn’t stop crying.¬†My doctor said this was it, they couldn’t stop the labor.¬†He told me to try to hold on until the morning, at 8am, when they would have a full staff from the NICU to be there.¬†At 7 am the pains were so bad, I felt¬†that if I moved, a baby was about to come out.¬†But I fought against all urges to push and tried so hard to keep them in.¬†The doctor checked me again and I was 10 cm. We couldn’t wait any longer.¬†I had an emergency c-section with what looked like at least 20 people in the OR and my wonderful husband by my side as always telling me it would be ok.

At 7:10am, Ryan Sebastian was born, immediately followed by Brandon Robert, and at 7:11am, Jessica Susan.¬†They were intubated and whisked away to the NICU.¬†I didn’t know what to think.¬†I was wheeled down to see them once they were settled.¬†Ryan was 1 lb 3 oz, Brandon was 1 lb 5 oz and Jessica was 1 lb 4 oz.¬†They were hooked up to monitors, vents and IVs.¬†They were so tiny but so perfect.

The next 30 days were full of ups and downs, but mostly downs.¬†But my babies were fighters and had made it through the hardest days, I thought.¬†But Jessica had been the sickest and went into renal failure.¬†We got the call at 2am to come see her because she wasn’t going to make it.¬†I finally got to hold my little girl but it was bitter sweet.¬†She continued to fight for 2 more days.¬†We went to the NICU everyday and visited all 3 babies and then sat and watched Jessi in case she was going to leave us.¬†Although we knew she didn’t have much of a chance, we still couldn’t imagine losing her.¬†We were asked to sign a DNR (do not resusitate), but I just couldn’t do it.¬†No parent should ever have to make that kind of decision about a baby.

Then 2 days after that horrible 2am call, we got another one at 7am.¬†But it was not about Jessica, it was Ryan.¬†What!¬†I wasn’t prepared for that.¬†His heart had stopped but they got it started again.¬†At 7:45 am they called back to tell us he had died.¬†I was shocked and in disbelief.¬†This wasn’t supposed to happen.¬†We went to the NICU.¬†I got to hold Ryan for the first time.¬†He was my little wiggler, but now he was still.¬†He had already had quite a personality and I would imagine what he would be like when he was older, but now I would never get to see that.¬†My husband, my parents and I held him and said our goodbyes.¬†I told him how sorry I was that I couldn’t keep him in longer.¬†I was sorry that he had to go through all of this, needles, vents, tubes, and after 30 days of it, that was it.¬†The nurse came to take Ryan back and at 11:45 am, just as they took Ryan away, I was told that Jessica has died.¬†How am I supposed to do that all over again…say goodbye to 2 babies.¬†The pain was unbearable..it still is as I write this today.¬†I have a constant pain in my heart and stomach that I can’t imagine ever getting any better.¬†We buried them together in the same casket.¬†At least they have each other.

Brandon is still in the NICU, it has been almost 9 weeks so far.¬†He is doing well.¬†I know he has 2 angels watching over him.¬†I still go to the NICU everyday to see my one triplet.¬†It is so hard to be there.¬†But Brandon keeps me going.¬†Everyday is so hard and my life will never be the same.¬†I am hoping things will get better once Brandon comes home.¬†I miss my babies…I miss them so much.¬†This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.¬†It doesn’t always seem real.¬†I’m constantly wishing and what if-ing about how it should have been.¬†I love my babies so much.¬†My 2 year old is too young to understand.¬†I try not to let her see me cry.¬†She never got to see them because she is too young to be allowed into the NICU.¬†I wish I could take a break from all this pain.¬†But Ashley and Brandon, my wonderful and amazing husband, and my supportive family¬†keep me going and my 2 little angels, Ryan and Jessica, are always in my heart.

One of our beautiful twin grandsons was struck by a car

On February 2nd, 2005, one of our beautiful twin grandsons was struck by a car while riding his bicycle near his home on Long Island. His name is Anthony R. Matuza. He was only fifteen-years-old. Nicholas is Anthony’s twin brother.

For six days Anthony’s family, friends and church members surrounded him with faith, hope, love and many prayers. Anthony’s condition worsened, and on the sixth day, with no blood flow to his brain and no brain activity, his Mom and Dad had to make the heartbreaking decision to take Anthony off life support. Anthony died as he had lived, in the arms of those who loved him, and is now back in God’s care.

Our daughter Nicolle, Anthony’s Mom, is an E.R. nurse and an avid horse lover. Anthony’s Dad, Marty, is an Emergency Services Officer and a first responder in his fire district. After Anthony’s death, Nicolle’s faith was at its lowest point. She had begun to question even her steadfast belief in a just and merciful God. To fill her days Nicolle returned to her passion, riding and caring for horses. Being around the barn and walking the fragrant spring pastures seemed to give her a sense of communing with her lost son.

One weekend in early September while her Mom was visiting, Nicolle was online looking at horses. She found nothing that interested her in New York, New Jersey or Connecticut and was about to give up. Her Mom, Nana, suggested she try looking in Pennsylvania. Tired, Nana then went off to bed. A few minutes later she heard, “Mom, you have to come and see this”. There on the screen was “Anthony’s Faith Believe’n”. Looking further, they found the horse was born in February 2005, the same month and year Anthony died. Checking even further, they learned the horse cost fifteen hundred dollars, fifteen being the exact amount of years Anthony lived. This was the first day the ad was posted. Nana urged Nicolle to call right away. Marty laughed and said ” What do you need, lightning to strike you?” After Nicolle left a message with the woman who owned the horse, Nana took the call-back and asked if the horse was still for sale. The woman said “Yes.” Nana said, “We’ll take it!” She then went on to explain the sad circumstances of the loss of our grandson.

Now all we needed to do was find the money. It just so happened that Nana and I had a bond with accrued interest. The interest was fifteen hundred dollars, –fifteen hundred and nine dollars to be exact! Just the amount needed to buy the horse. Tom and Laurel, the owners of the stable where Nicolle was leasing a horse, even volunteered to trailer the new horse home for her from Union City in western Pennsylvania.

Our family believes that everything leading up to Nicolle buying this horse was Anthony’s way of telling her, “It’s all right Mom, I’m O.K. Now it’s time to move forward again.”

This pretty little seven month old filly, whose name is now Faith, was a gift from God and Anthony. She now lives on Long Island with Nicolle, Marty and Nicholas.


Edward J. & Vivian Smith, Canadensis, PA


Erin, Mommy to Angels Aidan and Ellen

My husband has wanted children since before we were married. After one year of marriage, I decided it was time to start a family. I got pregnant in March of 2005. My husband and I were so excited, we only had to try once and we were pregnant. My first trimester went very smoothly, I had no morning sickness and wasn’t very tired. I kept thinking to myself, “Am I really pregnant?”

I naturally assumed we were having one baby. At my 16 week checkup my doctor noticed how large I was. A week later we went in for an ultrasound only to discover TWINS!!!! We were so excited. I still get excited just remembering the day we found out. Both babies looked healthy, no defects were detected. The only thing noted was Aidan was 1 week bigger than Ellen. Nobody mentioned this was a problem. My doctor didn’t even come in to see me that day.

A week and a half later I started having false contractions. This was my first pregnancy and I had no idea what to expect. I went back to my doctor who said I shouldn’t worry about contractions unless they became regular. I was to find out that contractions were not the problem. The doctor flipped through my file and told me my AFP test came back positive. She said that most positive AFP tests were false positive. I tried not to worry. She also casually stated, “Oh, but there is quite a size difference.” She told me not to worry, but I had a feeling this was bad.

At week 19 we went in for a Level II ultrasound. I had been positively sick with worry the past two weeks. I tried to convince myself that all was well. It wasn’t. The ultrasound confirmed our worst fears. Ellen had spina bifida, a mild case though. This wasn’t even the worst of it. She also had a velementous cord connection (poor cord connection to the placenta). She was undersized, and the doctors did not think she would make it. My husband and I were crushed. Aidan was doing very well, he was at the 83% percentile as far a size, a little larger than his gestational age. Nobody said this was a problem.

On Thursday after work, my husband came home to find me in a very bad mood. I broke down crying and told him that I had not felt any kicking movement all day. We called the doctor who said I should get a good meal in and rest to see if that stimulated any movement. It didn’t. The next day, my husband insisted that we go in to the hospital to find out what was going on. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to hear the truth.. my babies were dead. It was confirmed, they indeed had died. This was the absolute worst day of our lives. I still have trouble believing all this happened.

My doctors think that my babies were sharing blood between their placentas, TTTS. The odd thing is that my babies were fraternal twins, not identical. I didn’t think this could happen between fraternal twins. The cord connection may have had something to do with it. We are still awaiting the autopsy results to confirm what happened.

It has only been two weeks since my Aidan and Ellen became my angel babies. Most days are sad for me. I cry a lot, wish a lot and just feel hopeless. I know in time I will start to feel better. I don’t think this feeling will ever go away, I am going to have to learn to live with it. I love my babies and I know they love me. They are safe in heaven somewhere watching over me and my husband.

Erin, Mommy to Angels Aidan and Ellen


Our daughters, Amelia & Jaydyn

It was the day before my husband’s birthday when we found out we were expecting twins. We were so excited. Because we had a twin pregnancy, our next appointment was with the obstetrician at the high risk unit was one month later. I’ll never forget that day.

I did not know what to expect from the ultrasound, so we did not pick up on the ‘problem’. The babies were fine, which was my only concern at the time. I left the ultrasound thinking everything was OK. We were put in a room to wait for the doctor. The nurse asked us a bunch of questions. I remember her saying “Oh my, you should be sitting” and then guiding me to the bed. It was only when the doctor came in that I realized something was wrong. We went from the highest high, to the lowest low in seconds.

My cervix was effaced and one of the membranes had dropped. I was only 20 weeks along. What exactly he said is a blur. I asked him about the babies chances and he said less than 10%. My husband and I were in shock. He immediately admitted me into the hospital, bed rest with my feet higher than my head. We were hopeful that the membrane would go back into my uterus so they could put a stitch in my cervix. The babies were doing well.

The ultrasound two days later showed no change so I went back to my room. Not long later, I went to the washroom and thought I saw my mucus plug so I called the nurse. She reassured me that it was not what I saw. When I laid back down, I could not get comfortable. I switched sides 3 or 4 times then felt a big gush of fluid. I remember the doctor checking to see if it was in fact my water that broke and saying ‘it’s no use.’ I was so angry at her choice of words.

Shortly after that mild contractions started and I was brought to labour & delivery. The next morning, July 21, 2001, I delivered Amelia Margaret. I remember being excited, sad and scared all at the same time. Amelia lived an hour and forty minutes. We spent every minute of her life loving her, holding her. I remember her grabbing a hold of my finger. She had such a strong grip. I felt so helpless. She was a perfect baby, just tiny. The nurses took pictures, did her foot prints and dressed her in a little baby gown.

We were so sad yet hopeful that the second baby would be OK since she was in a separate sack. The doctor said we should induce the second delivery. We did not want to and debated it all day. Amelia’s placenta still had not come out and an infection was starting as a result. They said I should be induced or I would be at risk It was out of our hands. We went ahead with the induction.

The next morning, July 22, 2001, Jaydyn Eileen was born. She lived just over an hour. We spent every minute of her life loving her, holding her. I remember her gasping when the cold stethoscope was put on her chest. I wanted so much to be able to breath for her. Pictures and foot prints were taken and she too was dressed in a baby gown.

We had a naming ceremony in the hospital and a funeral three days later. I’m very grateful to the nurses at the hospital. One in particular guided us so well throughout this period. They encouraged us to spend time with the girls, of which they took many pictures. My daughters lived a very short time, but they are real and our time with them means so much to me.

Eighteen months, one stitch in my cervix and way too many blood thinner injections later, Amelia and Jaydyn’s baby brother Kent was born February 7, 2003.

Amelia and Jaydyn are part of our reality and will always be part of our lives.

Amelia Margaret Religa Nesrallah
Born/Died: July 21, 2001
Jaydyn Eileen Religa Nesrallah
Born/Died: July 22, 2001

You were with us such a short time. You are forever in our hearts. We miss you!

Thank you for reading my story

In July of 1999, I discovered I was pregnant. We already had two other children and I was very familiar with the symptoms of pregnancy. Within the first few weeks, I was experiencing all the normal symptoms but on a grander scale. The morning sickness was the biggest clue for me, as I was so ill I could not pick my head up off the pillow without getting sick. I talked to my doctor about all the symptoms and he suggested that maybe I was carrying twins. This was exciting news for me because I had two uncles who were twins, and being the last grandchild to have babies, I was hoping it was me who would carry on the tradition of twins in the family.

A blood test was performed and indicated that my HCG level was double what it should be. So at 15 weeks pregnant (on September 15th and my birthday) an ultrasound was performed and it was determined that indeed there were two sacs. However, there was only one fetus that resembled that of a baby. My doctor explained to my husband and I about the Vanishing Twin Syndrome at that time. We were left feeling numb, but at the same time, overjoyed at the first pictures of our precious baby that was still growing.

It was bittersweet. I kept those pictures, and they are in my daughter’s baby book right now with a note to her, promising to explain them to her someday. All through my pregnancy, I was sure I was having a boy. I even took a blue outfit to the hospital. Imagine my surprise when the doctor said, “It’s a girl!”. After she was born, the placenta came, and my doctor proceeded to examine it and show me the remains of the twin that died around 12 weeks in utero. It looked like a mass of wet chalk…very pasty. But it was my baby. I looked over to see my precious Lauren being cleaned up, and I praised God for the blessing of her life.

My sweet baby that is in Heaven, is a little boy…I just know it. And I’ve named him Caleb. That was the boy name we had picked out when I was pregnant. Someday I will tell Lauren about her twin brother. I look at her sometimes and I can imagine her brother with her. I don’t know if or how this will affect her emotionally. I just pray that she has a happy and full life. Thank you for reading my story.

Donna, Woodstock, GA

On losing one twin

I found out I was pregnant on my 9th wedding anniversary, September 2nd, 1998. It was our first pregnancy and we were very excited. My excitement turned to severe sickness within a couple of weeks. I could not even stand up without vomiting. I visited my doctor at 9 weeks and she suspected that the illness might be caused by twins. That thought made me endure my sickness with a new-found strength. I had always wanted to have twins and talked about it with my husband many times.

At 11 weeks I had an ultrasound that revealed I was carrying twins. We were shocked, excited, and scared, all at once. I started making plans and dreaming about what it was going to be like to have these two babies. The pregnancy progressed well until 17 weeks when I ended up in the Operating Room because of an abcessed Gall Bladder. The surgeon had never operated on a pregnant woman before, and I felt more than a little nervous. I recovered after couple of weeks and felt fairly good. I was seeing a Perinatologist who specialized in high risk pregnancy. He placed me on bed rest at about 22 weeks.

On Monday, March 8th I saw the specialist for my weekly appointment, I was 31 weeks pregnant. I was extremely uncomfortable and he suspected I was having contractions. I was admitted to the hospital and my membranes ruptured just minutes after getting into my room, I was 2 centimeters dilated. I spent the night in Labor and Delivery so they could monitor the babies. I could not rest because I felt something was not right. I was so upset that the nurse called my doctor at 5:00 am and he did an ultrasound that confirmed that twin A no longer had a heartbeat. Apparently they had been monitoring the heartbeat of only one baby for a couple of hours and did not realize it. I was so shocked and sad that I could not even cry. I felt numb. Even though I knew something was wrong I just kept telling myself that everything would be OK. I prayed constantly. I delivered my baby girl twin A at 2:20 pm on Tuesday March 9th. We called her Gabrielle Rose. They suspected her death was caused by a prolapsed cord, so they delivered baby girl twin B by cesarean section at 2:40 pm. We named her Erin Elizabeth and she is now 5 years old. I was happy and sad all at the same time. The confusion and loss took over my whole being.

We held Gabrielle Rose for a while and the tears came and did not stop for days. I just kept thinking that I should have done something differently. The grief from losing one twin was unimaginable. I missed her so very much and yet I had to pull myself together and take care of my new baby. Erin spent 6 agonizing weeks in the Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit. She weighed only 3 pounds and 8 ounces and she needed time to grow and gain strength.

We always talk about her identical twin sister. We wanted Gabrielle to always be apart of Erin’s life. They share a special bond and she asks about her frequently. We cry together as Erin asks why her sister had to die. I have no real answers for her. I am still consumed by grief and guilt at times, but Erin and my 3 year old son Colin are the joy of my life.

Tracey, Canada

Our precious angels, Aidan, Peyton and Tyson

I would like to share our story about our precious angels, Aidan, Peyton and Tyson. We would only have 10 short days with our precious sons.

My name is Tammy and I am 35, my husband is Steven he is also 35. We have been married 18 years and we have one living son, Mitchell who is 17 years old. We had Mitchell when we were 17 and we decided to finish high school and college before adding to our family. Also, Mitchell was born at 24 weeks and we struggled with the medical issues of raising a premature baby. He has had many surgeries and some learning disabilities, he is doing great now.

Once we got to the point [of trying again] we struggled with infertility and 3 miscarriages. This process took 8 years, we couldn’t go to a specialist until this past year due to insurance coverage but once my dh [dear husband] changed jobs, his new insurance covered treatments. We were just thrilled and started testing and our first month with injectables and IUI, we got pregnant.

We were shocked and thrilled, then 5 weeks after the positive test we found out we had triplets!!! Talk about shocked but again we were thrilled and looked forward to adding 3 babies to our family. We had some early problems with spotting but all was fine, then at 14 weeks the doctor put in a stitch to hold my cervix, which went fine. After that I quit work to stay on simi bed rest and everything was going great.

At 23 weeks I had a large amount of leaking which I thought was one of the bags of water breaking. We went to the hospital but they said it wasn’t any of the bags after doing an ultra sound and they sent me home. Then at 24 weeks I started having contractions. In one week I went to the hospital 6 times with contractions, they gave me meds to stop them and sent me home each time.

After the second visit I went to my doctor and he checked my cervix, which was still closed and we did an ultrasound to check the babies and they were fine. That was on Tue. by Friday the contractions were worse so we went back to the hospital, twice that day. My doctor was out of town so we had to deal with the doctor who was on call, who NEVER came in the room to see me. ¬†The nurses did everything. I won’t go into to [it] but I hold them at fault, they never checked my cervix and put the monitor on wrong and said I wasn’t having contractions. Well whatever they [the contractions] were, they HURT like heck!!

I was told I had a bladder infection and with 3 babies on my bladder that is what I was feeling [but I should] ¬†take some meds for the infection and it would be better in a couple of days. WRONG! By the next morning we were back at the hospital with Aidan’s hand presenting. ¬†I had to have an emergency c-section.

My 3 boys were delivered at 24 weeks weighing: Aidan 1 lb. 4 oz., Peyton 1lb.7oz. and Tyson 1lb. 6oz. and all were 12 inches in length. Aidan lived 2 hours, Peyton lived 32 hours and Tyson lived 48 hours (he was such a little fighter). We did have time to spend with each of them and we got some beautiful pictures of them. I didn’t get to hold Aidan while he was still alive because they ended up having to put me under for the c-section and by the time I came too he had passed away. I miss them so much and don’t understand this but I am trying harder each day. Today they would be 9 months old and it is still hard but I know God is taking care of my babies in Heaven and one day we will be with them again. I also know that God has a plan and my sons’ lives will have purpose.


  • Husband: Steven
  • One living son: Mitchell Blake 12/7/86 at 24 weeks 17 yrs old now (our miracle)
  • 3 angels due to miscarriage (9/93, 10/97, 11/99)
  • 3 precious angels born alive but died after birth:
    Birth day Nov. 29, 2003: born at 24 weeks
    Aidan Kai (died 11/29/03)
    Peyton Sloan (died 11/30/03)
    Tyson Connor (died 12/1/03)

We would only have 10 short days with our precious son

On April 9, 2003, I delivered Ian Hunter and Gavin Hans at 33 weeks and 1 day. These boys were #4 and # 5 for us, and actually our second set of twin boys (naturally). We were excited to say the least and so were our older twin boys Anders Erik and Hayden Lars and big sister (singleton) Emily Brianna.

The new twins were 6 weeks premature which was new to us. We had never had preemies before. Ian and Gavin weighed 5.1 and 4.7 at birth and stayed in the NICU for 12 days. They were released to finally come home, which was an hour away, on April 21, 2003. The first time our boys would feel the sun on their faces.

Little did we know that we would only have 10 short days with our precious son ~Gavin~ when an evil monster called SIDS would take him from us in the early morning hours of May 1, 2003. My husband and I thought we knew what not to do since these were our second set of twins. We were awaken by the cries of Ian at 5 am on May 1, 2003. The babies’ crib was in our bedroom and my husband got up to start to change and get him ready for me start nursing. My husband then went to pick up ~Gavin~ who had appeared to still be asleep on his back (we had always woken the sleeping twin to feed at the same time to get [them] on somewhat of the same schedule). My husband said the minute he picked ~Gavin~ up it was as if a lighting blot went through his body and he knew we was not alright.

My husband and I took turns performing CPR on our son until EMS arrived. There were at least 6 to 7 adults in our bedroom working on ~Gavin~ for about 30 minutes. They then carried him down the stairs on a back board and my husband went with them in the ambulance to take him to the hospital. I received a call about 30 minutes later from my husband telling me ~Gavin~ was gone. GONE just when we were starting our completed family together. A life I had all planned out. How my older twin boys were going to be best buddies with their younger twin brothers and my daughter, the only princess, in the middle. My dreams for the future gone forever in that instance when we had to leave the hospital without our precious baby ~Gavin~.

It is so hard to leave your baby there wondering who is he going to be with and who is watching him. It has been just 18 months since ~Gavin~ left us to go back and be with his Heavenly Father but not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. How can I not when his big twin brother is just 19 months old. Ian will grow up knowing he has a special little twin brother watching him from the Heavens above!


I wonder if this pain ever gets any easier

My name is Dawn and I would like to share my story with you. I found out I was pregnant on February 22, 2004. I was so excited. My husband and I already had 2 children and we wanted 1 more. Well at the end of May I started having a real heavy feeling in my stomach so I went to my Dr. and he sent me for an ultrasound. I was 18wks along. The technician looked at my husband and I and said, “Do you know there is 2 in here?” We were shocked! There are no twins on either side of our families.

Of course right away we started planning for twins. We found out they were both boys.

Around 21 weeks, I started to have premature labor. I was put on mag and after 4 days, they got the labor to stop. I was sent home on complete bedrest. My mom who lives in Ohio, came up to help me with me and my children. She got here at the end of June. I went into the hospital 8 times with premature labor and put on mag 4 times.

Early in the morning on Aug 9th at the start of my 29th wk I was having severe back pain. My husband is a police officer and works third shift. I called him just to complain because I was hurting. Well when we got off the phone, he called my dr and my dr wanted me to come to the hospital to be checked out. I got to the hospital and thought they would just send me home with some pain medicine. The nurse checked my cervix and I was 6c dilated. I started crying hysterically. Everyone told me to calm down, it would be okay. I tried to believe them. I was taken to a c-section room to deliver my boys. They were both head down so we were gonna try a vaginal birth.

I started pushing at 7:07a.m. and baby A, my precious Dalton, was born at 7:30a.m. He weighed 2lbs 12 oz and was 16inches long. He came out crying and looked great!!! They even left him in the room for about 10 minutes after he was born. Then I started to push again to get out baby B. After 20 minutes my Dr decided I needed a c-section because his placenta was bleeding to much. So at 8:03 am my precious little guy Ethan was born. He weighed 2lbs 15 oz. and was 15 inches long. He wasn’t doing well from the beginning. They had to literally dig him out of me. He was resesitated 2 times before leaving the delivery room. I was so scared for both of them.

I was finally allowed out of bed to go and see them at 9:00p.m. that night. I walked into the nursery and was overwhelmed by what I saw. Ethan was the first one I saw. He was on a respirator and was bruised from head to toe from his delivery. They wouldn’t even let me touch him he was that unstable.

They took me down a little farther to see Dalton. He was on a respirator but looked good. They said he was stable. He was moving and looking around at us. He was beautiful. In the early hours on Aug 10th one of the doctors came in my room to tell me that Dalton’s lung had collapsed and they put in a tube. The doctor also said Ethan’s blood pressure was too low and his heart wasn’t pumping the way it should be, so they had put him on some medication.

When my husband went down to see them at 9:00a.m. they said they were doing fine. At 9:30 the doctor came down and said that they were losing Dalton and didn’t really know why. I was devastated. By 11:00 a.m. Dalton was gone. It just didn’t make any sense and by 4:00p.m. Ethan was getting better. They brought Dalton to us so we could see him and hold him. It was the hardest thing I have had to do so far.

Ethan was in the hospital for 10wks and in that time there were alot of ups and downs with him. He had a level 3 brain bleed , the blood has reabsorbed but when it did it left some scar tissue so they don’t really know to what extent it did if it did anything at all. He has been home for a wk now and it is wonderful. He is up to 6lbs 13.6oz. and he is beautiful. I am grateful to God everyday for him. But I miss Dalton everyday as well. I know it has only been 11wks but I wonder if this pain ever gets any easier. I am finally able to look at the pictures that they took of him without bawling. They are beautiful pictures and they took some of the both of them together. I hope that Ethan will like to see them someday.

I wonder if he misses his big brother as much as we do. Oh yeah and by the time Ethan was 1wk old his heart was normal!!! Thank you God. If there is anyone out there who knows how this feels and would like to talk. I would enjoy that.