I wonder if this pain ever gets any easier

My name is Dawn and I would like to share my story with you. I found out I was pregnant on February 22, 2004. I was so excited. My husband and I already had 2 children and we wanted 1 more. Well at the end of May I started having a real heavy feeling in my stomach so I went to my Dr. and he sent me for an ultrasound. I was 18wks along. The technician looked at my husband and I and said, “Do you know there is 2 in here?” We were shocked! There are no twins on either side of our families.

Of course right away we started planning for twins. We found out they were both boys.

Around 21 weeks, I started to have premature labor. I was put on mag and after 4 days, they got the labor to stop. I was sent home on complete bedrest. My mom who lives in Ohio, came up to help me with me and my children. She got here at the end of June. I went into the hospital 8 times with premature labor and put on mag 4 times.

Early in the morning on Aug 9th at the start of my 29th wk I was having severe back pain. My husband is a police officer and works third shift. I called him just to complain because I was hurting. Well when we got off the phone, he called my dr and my dr wanted me to come to the hospital to be checked out. I got to the hospital and thought they would just send me home with some pain medicine. The nurse checked my cervix and I was 6c dilated. I started crying hysterically. Everyone told me to calm down, it would be okay. I tried to believe them. I was taken to a c-section room to deliver my boys. They were both head down so we were gonna try a vaginal birth.

I started pushing at 7:07a.m. and baby A, my precious Dalton, was born at 7:30a.m. He weighed 2lbs 12 oz and was 16inches long. He came out crying and looked great!!! They even left him in the room for about 10 minutes after he was born. Then I started to push again to get out baby B. After 20 minutes my Dr decided I needed a c-section because his placenta was bleeding to much. So at 8:03 am my precious little guy Ethan was born. He weighed 2lbs 15 oz. and was 15 inches long. He wasn’t doing well from the beginning. They had to literally dig him out of me. He was resesitated 2 times before leaving the delivery room. I was so scared for both of them.

I was finally allowed out of bed to go and see them at 9:00p.m. that night. I walked into the nursery and was overwhelmed by what I saw. Ethan was the first one I saw. He was on a respirator and was bruised from head to toe from his delivery. They wouldn’t even let me touch him he was that unstable.

They took me down a little farther to see Dalton. He was on a respirator but looked good. They said he was stable. He was moving and looking around at us. He was beautiful. In the early hours on Aug 10th one of the doctors came in my room to tell me that Dalton’s lung had collapsed and they put in a tube. The doctor also said Ethan’s blood pressure was too low and his heart wasn’t pumping the way it should be, so they had put him on some medication.

When my husband went down to see them at 9:00a.m. they said they were doing fine. At 9:30 the doctor came down and said that they were losing Dalton and didn’t really know why. I was devastated. By 11:00 a.m. Dalton was gone. It just didn’t make any sense and by 4:00p.m. Ethan was getting better. They brought Dalton to us so we could see him and hold him. It was the hardest thing I have had to do so far.

Ethan was in the hospital for 10wks and in that time there were alot of ups and downs with him. He had a level 3 brain bleed , the blood has reabsorbed but when it did it left some scar tissue so they don’t really know to what extent it did if it did anything at all. He has been home for a wk now and it is wonderful. He is up to 6lbs 13.6oz. and he is beautiful. I am grateful to God everyday for him. But I miss Dalton everyday as well. I know it has only been 11wks but I wonder if this pain ever gets any easier. I am finally able to look at the pictures that they took of him without bawling. They are beautiful pictures and they took some of the both of them together. I hope that Ethan will like to see them someday.

I wonder if he misses his big brother as much as we do. Oh yeah and by the time Ethan was 1wk old his heart was normal!!! Thank you God. If there is anyone out there who knows how this feels and would like to talk. I would enjoy that.

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