A story of birth and loss

I was in quite a bit of pain that whole weekend. I really didn’t get anything done. Not even any laundry for the week. I went in to my usual weekly appt. with the OB. I was 36 weeks that day. I walked in and was taken right back. The appointment was going as usual. The doctor came in and measured me. I was measuring 52 cm. I was so uncomfortable that when he was talking about inducing me in 2 weeks I just started crying. He said I know that you are uncomfortable, let’s check you.

He checked me and said Oh, you’re at 5 cm, looks like you are going to have these babies today. I want you to go over to L&D.

I called my boyfriend and my sister and proceeded to go to the hospital. When I got there they laid me down and hooked me up. I just stayed like that with my regular mild contractions. They came in to do the US to check positions of the babies and Irene was still transverse but she was spine up. The doctors talked to me and I then decided that I was more afraid then I thought I was of C sections. I decided to try vaginal and hope for the best.

They checked me again at like 6 o’clock and I was at a 6cm dilated. They doctor decided to come over and break my water for baby A. That was horrible because Fernando Jr was trying to grab the doctor’s hand. SO they had to push up from the vagina and down on the fundus. OUCH!!! After that things started to pick up. At about 8 o’clock they decided on starting pitocin. I have had Pitocin before and decided that before they started that I would like to get my Epidural. It took 3 tries to get it in, but it was a really great Epi. When it was time to push they wheeled me down to the OR and we started to push after a couple of minutes.

Fernando Rueben Hernandez Jr. was born at 18 inches long weighing 4lbs and 14 oz. They made me wait between pushes while they saw what Irene did. After a couple of contractions they started to push her head down. After getting her into place, two pushes later Irene Amelia Hernandez made her début screaming her head off. She was 17 inches long and 4 lbs and 11 oz. They were taken to the reg nursery, but only lasted an hour and a half before being taken over to the NICU for some O2. They were in the NICU for the longest 10 days of my life. We have now been home for 2 days. I am so happy. 🙂 The sweetest babies and an easy delivery. I feel so blessed.

Now I will tell you what happened the night of March 1st. My little boy Fernando had been sick with a cold for a couple of days. I took him to bed with me to Breast feed at about 11:30 at night. This was my first day back at work. When I woke up a little over an hour later, he was gone. After an investigation they ruled his death SIDS. I am devastated. I feel horrible, I feel guilty. I miss my little boy so much. He will have been gone for 6 months tomorrow. As his sister grows she is now 7 ½ months old. I remember not only him, but think of how they would be interacting now. They would be laughing at each other and maybe even fighting. I feel bad; I don’t want to overshadow my daughter’s life with her angels. Maybe his whole purpose was just to bring her to me. I will never know. I will always be a twin mom, but feel cheated out of the joy of seeing them grow up together. I love all four of my children so much.

Thank you,

Sara L.M. NE, USA

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