Lynda Haddon

My Story

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012in Surviving Co-Multiples - Shared StoriesLeave a comment

Hello.

I don’t know if I even have the right site, but here is my story.

My precious twins arrived unexpectedly, (didn’t know it was 2), 3 1/2 months early, in Sept/85, they weighed 3.5 lbs..and 3 lbs.

They struggled for survival for 2 months and came out of the ordeal with no health problems. Learning disabilies (mild) cropped up in kindergarden..and they worked for every mark they earned…right through to Grade 11. It stops there…because one of the boys (Eric) was hit by a car and killed instantly (Nov 19/03). Next month, was supposed to be a double graduation from Grade 12 for our family…instead…one twin is gone…and the surviving twin (Christopher) has lost most of this school year because of absences.

I don’t know where to turn for help…I tried one group, but they are not in Canada. As time marches on…the pain is growing worse for both the surviving twin and myself. They are identical twins…and they were very very close in [their] relationship. I see Eric in his twin more and more as time passes. Some would think this a blessing..but sometimes, it is more than I can bear.

If this is not the right place for me (as I see mostly in utero, and newborn twins in this site) Could you please help me? and Christopher? and direct us to where we should be?

Thank you so much for listening to me. Diane

(Lynda’s Note: Diane [these twins’ Mom] is a twin herself and although she still has her twin, she is doubly pained by what her surviving son is going through.)

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Co-Multiple story of loss and unanswered concerns

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Surviving Co-Multiples - Shared StoriesLeave a comment

As a co-multiple who has lost his twin, I’m looking at your site and have decided to attempt to connect, although I’m getting very frustrated in my efforts to learn about my own loss and how it has affected me. My identical twin was killed in a car wreck 40 years ago when we were 18.

Rather than grieving, I just went forward with the momentum of my life. I was smart, athletic, engaged. Life went on. My two remaining brothers and my parents did not share our grief and our family began to drift apart.

In my 20s, I dropped out of college, protested the draft and the war in Vietnam, found a passionate interest in woodworking (it runs in the family). I was willing to live on nothing for several years while I learned on my own. Was this struggle to do it on my own a sign of trouble? I also began to become very frustrated at my difficulty forming a good intimate, long lasting love relationship. I was experiencing more and more loneliness as my crowd slowly drifted into their careers and families.

I finally fell in love, got married at 40, bought a home, had a child, and spent the last 18 years fighting to do my craft, build the home and garden, be a very involved dad, and support my wife at home. It’s been an exhausting struggle, but I felt happy and fulfilled. Until my wife announced that she was leaving, last January, siting “my abusive anger”.

This has rocked my whole world. I was not very aware of my anger. I figured we had normal marital conflicts and thought we’d eventually work it out. Except that my wife was getting more and more distant and unwilling to have serious talk about our issues. So now I’m alone, working very hard to understand what has happened, and always coming back to all the grief and loneliness I feel in missing my twin.

My woodworking seems to be at a dead end, my family is still in conflict and can’t be relied upon, and I feel distant from my community no matter how hard I try to engage. I’ve slowly lost all the good Buddies I had to share my interests with, although I have many good friends, they just don’t seem to be there for the closeness I crave.

I’ve been trying to look into the twinless groups, but have been unable to find anyone who can share knowledge or experience about how being twinless may be causing me to loose all those I feel close to and to always end up feeling so desperately alone. I am looking for answers more than just sympathetic support.

Yours, Richard

It Should Have Been Her – A Surviving Co-Multiple’s Story

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Surviving Co-Multiples - Shared Stories1 Comment

The cold words were a sharp slap across my face. This wasn’t what I needed or wanted to hear. I craved the warm, welcoming softness of a mother’s embrace – not these cruel words of betrayal.

Hiding in the garden within the shadows of the trees, I reminded myself that I had always walked in my twin brother’s shadow, trying to siphon off some scraps of the love that Mother showered him with. Why had I expected it to be different now?

Mother had never seen us as pair. My brother had always been her shining glory – I was just an unwanted extra that tagged along in the shadows. To the World, we had been two. But knowing that we were really one had given me the strength to stand firm.

But now he was gone. My mother had lost her favoured son, the one through whose eyes God smiled for her, and I had lost a part of my very self.

I tried hard to be quiet as I crept back into the house and upstairs. I didn’t want anyone to see “The One” as she had put it – the cursed one who had lived.

The events of the last few days swirled before my eyes. My brother was ill. I’d crept into his room and squeezed his hand.

“Let me share. We can fight it together,” I had chanted over and over trying to absorb his pain, trying to get him to wake up. He had tried to squeeze back, I know he had. Deep in my heart in the golden chamber that belonged to both of us – I knew!

But as I sat beside him, in walked our mother and she shoved me out of the bedroom. Her jealousy of me I had never understood. There was a constant wall between us and I had grown weary of trying to climb it. Mother resented the fact that my brother and I were a part of each other, co-multiple. She had always wanted him all to herself.,

He had hated her cloying love. His eyes mirrored his pain, when she pushed me aside. But we were children, powerless the way children are at that age.

Snorting and hiccuping, I crept into my twin’s room, which Mother had always shared with him. She had never allowed us to share a room in all of our ten years together. She had always tried to come between us. And now someone else had won. He had gone and I had no one with whom to share my hour of grief.

There on his bed lay his favourite green sweater. I picked it up and held it close. But is was just a piece of clothing – no warmth, not unconditional reassurance in its fibers. It was then that I knew that I was alone, so very alone and that my mother hated me.

The years have gone by and now I am fully grown and my mother his still never acknowledged my grief, as if to punish me for somehow being responsible for his death.

Mother had sent me away during the funeral. I never got to say goodbye. Never again got to squeeze his hand and let him know that I was there and that I loved him.

At sixteen, I ran away from home and have been alone ever since. I have no wish to put down roots and sometimes, when the loneliness is particularly overwhelming, I take out my most precious possession – a faded green sweater. A reminder that I, too, once belonged.

Vinda (pen name), survivor of a childhood disease which claimed her twin brother, British Columbia, Canada

You and I – Poem about loss

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Surviving Co-Multiples - Shared StoriesLeave a comment

God sent you with me
To enter this world.
As I sputtered and gasped for breath I know you were marking
time behind me.
Together we had plotted our escape – from the all encompassing bubble.

Did I push and you shove?
Or did I shove and you push?
Maybe it was a greater force that propelled us head first into life.

Would we have always been close?
Would you always have watched my back?
For the stark bitter truth of reality separated us
Before life had a chance to mould the two of us.
Instead of both of us, I learned and bore the brunt of life’s lessons alone.

With a permanent chill along my spine
Moving on I found warmth and love.
But still the feeling of being unprotected haunts me.
No one watches my back any more.
But life teaches us to fight and survive
All the while knowing
God in his heaven
Knows where, what and why.

Poem by Vinda, who lost her twin brother at aged 5 years, when he succumbed to a childhood disease which they both had contracted.

Twin loss story

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Surviving Co-MultiplesLeave a comment

Was just messing around on my computer and found your site. I am a 51 yr. old male who lost my identical twin brother due to a car wreck 30 yrs. ago. The years that followed the loss were hell.

I turned to alcohol and drugs. I did not grieve, but tried to prove that I could be both of us. I caved in! 17 yrs after Joe’s death I knew I couldn’t go on. I joined A.A.and have been sober for 12 years using the 12 steps and meeting other twins in the program who had gone through the exact same experiences.

I have allowed myself to go through the grieving process, and turn the whole experience into helping others. I now have a wonderful full life. It took some time, growth, and a lot of understanding friends. Hope my story of loss can be of help to someone.

Thanks, Gene Gallagher

Reading List for Surviving Co-Multiples

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Surviving Co-MultiplesLeave a comment

WHO MOVED THE SUN?, A twin remembers, Ron McKenzie, D.E.M. Publishing, paperback, 94 pages

We know multiples are bonded in the womb and research has shown that they are aware of each other certainly by 18 weeks gestation. The bond they have with each other is well established before any bonding with their parents, which occurs after birth. Multiples have a unique relationship and are usually very in tune with each other, especially monozygotics (identicals). While dizygotics (fraternals) are basically siblings born at the same time, they too have a special connection and it isn’t recommended that anyone interfere with that relationship either. Multiples arrive together but it is quite unlikely that they will depart this earth together. We need to understand what it is like for the survivors and how better to support them as they make the adjustment to the loss of their “other half.”

It has taken a long time before healthcare professionals, counselors, doctors, funeral directors, and others have paid particular attention to the unique relationship between multiples and thankfully this is changing. It is changing because surviving co-multiples are writing about and sharing their feelings, pain, guilt, emptiness and sense of despair at losing their co-multiple. Such survivors have come to be known as Twinless Twins or Lone Twins.

Ron McKenzie’s book about his relationship with his monozygotic brother, Don, and his brother’s death at age 62 years in 2008 is one of those books that clearly sets out the dynamics of a multiples’ unique relationship. Ron shares his pain, love, and details of their relationship and what it meant for both of them. Succinctly, Ron shares: “You may be in heaven, Don, but I am in hell.” It is not an easy step from spending a life time as “we” and having to become “I.” When 61 birthdays have been shared, when shaving in the morning becomes a painful memory of losing Don, and the treasures of texting each other or speaking on the phone each day are no longer an option, no wonder it feels like ‘hell.’

McKenzie’s book is a must-read for a first hand account of not only a tribute to a much-loved twin brother, but an eye-opening journey to better understanding what it means to lose a co-multiple, the consequences and the loneliness while still trying to continue on. Only by understanding when it means to lose your co-multiple can we, as a society, reach out to better offer help, resources and support.

The Survivor , Lynne Schulz, 2003, Pleasant World – with Foreward by Lynda P. Haddon
Living Without Your Twin , Betty Jean Case, Tibbutt Publishing
The Lone Twin: Understanding Twin Bereavement and Loss , Joan Woodward, 1998, Free Association Books
The End of the Twins: A Memoir of Losing a Brother, by Saul Diskin, The Overlook Press
Twin Loss: A Book for Survivor Twins, by Raymond Brandt, Courier Printing Co.

One Extraordinary Birth (Six Days of Labor, 33 hours between births, two healthy babies)

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Prenatal Education, Stories From ParentsLeave a comment

Part I: Once Upon A Choice

It wasn’t that I set out to be an enthusiastic proponent of homebirth. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t thought much about what kind of a birth experience I would like to have until I got pregnant. Somehow when I found out that I was carrying a baby (or what turned out to be two babies in my case), it became clear that it was my greatest desire to allow these children to enter the world in the most sacred, peaceful, loving way that I could imagine. The more people gasped in disbelief of the possibility of having a natural home birth with twins, the more I wanted this experience to be the first gift I gave to my children. This is my tale of the miraculous labor and highly unusual births of my twin boy and girl, Zaanti and Miela.

When I was 6 months pregnant we relocated to Southern California and I began looking for prenatal medical care there. Most women have already chosen their doctor and figured out a birth plan by then, so I was a little concerned about being able to find the right prenatal care. Moreover, I had been reading books about birthing written by midwives, yoga teachers and psychologists and was really considering having a homebirth with a midwife. In the stories about homebirths the women went through amazing vision quests, discovering their own strength and softness and molding into the divine feminine. I wanted one of those experiences where I came to a seemingly insurmountable mountain, scaled it, and then I did it again and again. I wanted to bond with my partner Francis and feel the primordial creative force coming through us as we journeyed together with our babies through the transition from the unseen world into the material world. And I wanted to feel everything, yes, everything…the joy, the fear, the pain…. I wanted to feel what millions of women have gone through since time began. And nowhere in this vision of mine did I see bright lights, hospital gowns, being hooked up to an IV and immobilized, being told what to do and when to do it, etc…

I faced resistance from some friends and acquaintances after sharing with them my desire of giving birth at home, so I stopped talking about it except with a few select friends who were supportive and encouraging. Francis and I had to put aside the naysayers’ words about the impossibility of a vaginal delivery, the hopelessness of finding a midwife when I was seven months pregnant, of birthing drug free, etc.

Miraculously, I found a wonderful OB/GYN who agreed to do my prenatal appointments and be a backup doctor for my homebirth. Now I just needed to find a midwife willing and capable of safely delivering my precious twins at home. This proved to be no small feat, but where there is a will, there is a way. After speaking with a dozen doulas (birth assistants) and midwives, writing emails to every Southern California birthing center, and talking to anyone and everyone who knew anything about giving birth naturally, I finally found an amazing midwife who has delivered 14 sets of twins and over 500 singleton births. We drove 3 hours to meet with Brenda and at that first appointment I knew that I found the person who I trusted enough to be the first one to touch my babies. She was mama earth embodied: nurturing, grounded and serene. Moreover, being a midwife is truly her calling: she is passionate about giving women like me a choice in how we brought our children into the world. After weeks of searching for a midwife, I knew she was the one we’ve been looking for!

I was so grateful and relieved to have all the birth plans finalized. At 36 weeks, we went in for a routine appointment with the doctor found out that Zaanti (Baby A – the first one in position to come out) was footling breech and Miela (Baby B) was vertex. She said that she no longer felt comfortable being a backup doctor for a homebirth and strongly suggested that I schedule a C-section at 38 weeks. My heart tightened. My throat narrowed. I felt as if I was breathing through a tiny straw, getting just enough air to get by. Tears welled up and I told myself to be composed enough to thank the OB/GYN for her opinion, tell her we’ll think about it and go process this news at home.

As soon as we left the office, I became hysterical, and Francis had to physically hold on to me so that I didn’t fall. This news was so sudden and so directly opposite of the birth experience we had been wanting that it was difficult to digest. It was at this time that I worked through and accepted that what I can control is setting a clear intention of following my own Wisdom; the rest was out of my control so I needed to surrender to the events as they unfolded. Whether it was a C-section or a vaginal birth, I wanted it to be conscious and with a conscience. Francis and I decided to gather some more opinions before we chose to either schedule a C-section, plan for a hospital delivery after going into labor or continue with our intent to birth at home.

I have spent almost a decade practicing and teaching yoga, meditated for countless hours, participated in a 10-day silent meditation retreat, but nothing even came close to what happened in the week after that last OB/GYN appointment. I entered a period of the most intense spiritual living so far in my life. I meditated, prayed, journaled, spoke with every ‘expert’ I could on the topic, and even consulted with a psychic. But mostly I listened. Not to the outside, but to the inside. I closed my eyes wide open to the internal compass leading to a birth that honored me, Francis and the babies.

When I spoke with our midwife about the news, she didn’t seem concerned. Brenda had delivered many breech babies, even breech twins and two footling breeches. In the spirit of full disclosure she told me that she had one footling breech baby that died, but after the coroner’s report came out it was clear that it had nothing to do with the positioning of the baby during the birth. I asked Brenda if she would need extra assistance during the birth or if this latest development changed anything. She said no, that I can always have an extra midwife or doula, but that is not necessary and is up to me. I felt reassured and comforted by her confidence that nothing is out of the ordinary in the babies’ positioning. If I had no physical symptoms and if I put all my trust in the Source of Life within me, I knew all will be well with the homebirth.

I connected with a gynecologist who has been practicing for 42 years and he told me that before they started using ultrasounds routinely they delivered babies in all kinds of positions, and doctors back in the day knew how to deliver healthy babies in a variety of presentations. He was not concerned about the footling breech position, but mentioned that with twins it was usually the second twin that had difficulties. He suggested that I wait to go into spontaneous labor and then bring my midwife to the hospital to help with the delivery. I also emailed a doctor who is a vocal supporter of midwives and he wrote back a very caring email saying that even though he felt the birth may be safe, his knowledge of western medicine and liability reasons mandated him to advise me to birth in a hospital, probably through a scheduled c-section.

One of the midwives I spoke with told me that if she were having twins, she would trust Brenda above anyone and everyone she knew and that as long as Brenda, Francis and I felt comfortable still proceeding with a homebirth, then there is no reason not to. She explained to me in detail that a baby who had a foot sticking out can tuck it back in at any moment and vice versa. And since babies change position all the time, it is more likely that I would have a breech than a footling breech baby. What shocked me is that my gynecologist didn’t explain that to me. She seemed to think that if Baby A was footling breech now, he may be footling breech in two weeks when she wanted to schedule a C-section. If it is possible that the babies may still shift position, why would I have my babies cut out of me two weeks early? Hmmm, my internal compass was starting to really lean in the direction of the homebirth.

What sealed the deal in our decision was speaking with a psychic. I never felt the desire to speak to a clairvoyant before, but I wanted to explore all of my options so I spoke with her for about half an hour. She exclaimed: “No wonder you intuitively feel like you don’t want to go to the hospital! I have a vision of you having more complications than usual and being totally unconscious in a hospital setting” Whoa, that sent a chill down my spine. Who wants to be unconscious while you have two newborns wanting to be held by their mommy? On the other hand, who wants to lose a baby? I asked her if she saw me losing a baby or having complications if I were to birth at home. She said that one of the babies might take a few moments to find its breath, but that besides that she saw two healthy happy babies. I cried when she said that. It is not that I thought she could see the future, but her words really resonated with me. I was (and still am) willing to go through any lengths to have healthy and happy babies. To me, that meant staying away from unnecessary interventions and allowing the animal in me to give birth in a natural and instinctual way. I believe that homebirth is not for everyone, but so is the case with hospital births. I would love to see our culture moving in the direction of having lots of birthing options easily available so that a woman could choose the option that feels safest for her.

Ultimately, Francis and I had a heart to heart and, being the amazing partner he is, he said that he trusted whatever decision I felt was best, but that he felt most comfortable with a homebirth with Brenda. We agreed that we would try everything in our power to turn Zaanti (baby A) around and barring any health complications we wanted to labor at home. I saw a chiropractor who performed the Webster technique to help turn Zaanti vertex. A couple of days later I saw an acupuncturist for the same purpose. The night after my acupuncture appointment there was so much movement in my lower abdomen that could have signaled Zaanti turning down. For better or for worse, I never had a chance to confirm what position he was in for sure because I went into labor the next day. Either way, all of my contemplative practices clearly pointed me in the direction of keeping the initial plan of homebirth, while still covering all bases by pre-registering at a local hospital in case I needed to go there.

Part II: Zaanti’s Birth

On Monday of my 39th week of pregnancy, my water broke. I was so excited I could hardly talk when I called Francis and told him to hurry home. Then I called the midwife and told her to hurry because I thought I may deliver the babies before she had time to make the 3 hour drive. After all, my mom’s labors were both very quick. Well, Brenda arrived and my contractions were still mild at best. I had called my mom in the Bay area after my water broke and told her that I will call her when the babies have arrived. However, my mom was so excited that she left work and drove straight to Southern California. After she arrived, my labor slowed down so much it was almost non-existent. Brenda said: “Babies come at their own time” so I just needed to be patient and to let nature do its job.

Tuesday came and went and Brenda stayed with us to monitor me. I was taking lots of Vitamin C and Echinacea in order to prevent any infection since that is a concern after the water breaks. The babies heart-beats were both great and it seemed that Zaanti was making his way down. So Brenda, Francis and I prayed, meditated, waited, and waited and waited. By Tuesday evening I knew something was off and I spoke to a therapist in Germany named Kim. She is a friend’s therapist and as many people in my life, she appeared at the perfect time and was a vital resource for me during labor. Kim told me what I knew in my heart was the truth: having my mom there slowed down my labor because I was focusing on my mom and picking up her nervous energy and therefore I wasn’t directing my attention to tuning into my body and communicating with the babies and. Francis and I agreed that we needed to get my mom out of the house and I was nervous about asking her to leave. However, I was a mother now, and my unborn children needed me to place their needs (and my own) above my mother’s. This was one of the lessons I learned: now I had my own primary family to take care of and therefore everyone else needed to take care of themselves. Francis managed to explain to my mom that we love her and understand why she would worry about me and the babies, but this was not what we needed in the house. My mom was wonderful and understood that the best way that she could help me now was to go to a local hotel and hope for the best.

After she left on Wednesday afternoon, my contractions got steadily stronger and by Thursday afternoon I was in full active labor. It has been such a journey to get the opportunity to labor at home that I hadn’t even thought about what it would actually be like to go through contractions without any pain medication. I was so grateful to feel every contraction and every movement in my body, but I certainly reached a point when I was starting to doubt if I could do this. After about 14 hours of active labor, I told Francis and the midwife that I wasn’t sure I was cut out for this birthing thing. I knew from my Bradley (husband-coached birth) classes about transition phase and it was pretty obvious that I was at that place of total doubt, and feeling terrified that there is no point of return: these babies had to come out one way or another! Francis kept reminding me how strong I was and how this was going to pass. Brenda prayed over me and assured me that I am no different than any other woman and that I can do this. They trusted in me and that helped me trust in myself.

By midnight I was almost fully dilated. I had been in the kiddie pool Francis set up in the bedroom and needed to go to the bathroom. When I was on the toilet I finally felt the urge to push. I was enjoying pushing in that position, but Brenda asked me to lie down so she could have access to our breech firstborn. I lay down on the floor and immediately the pain became unbearable. The only thing better than feeling the doubling-over pain of the contractions was the doubling-over pain of pushing. After a few pushes Brenda said: “Reach down and feel your son’s balls.” This got me laughing and as I reached down I could feel teeny tiny little testicles. I thought to myself: “This is one ballsy guy!” After another push, Zaanti’s butt came out and Brenda adjusted him so that he would slide out in the next couple of pushes. I felt so much trust in Brenda and in the holiness of the moment, I never felt any doubt that Zaanti would come out perfectly healthy. Finally I gave one last push and Zaanti’s head came out. After a total of 21 hours of sacred, pain-transcending, mountain-moving, roaring labor Zaanti was born at 1:45 a.m. on September 17th, weighing 5lbs 6 oz.

Brenda put him on my chest and I was in awe of his tiny face. His eyes were wide open and he looked me right in the eyes. The Love-Joy-Ecstasy I felt in that moment was indescribable… Then he lifted his eyes up and looked right in Francis’s eyes. Brenda said that in her 20+ years of catching babies she has never seen a baby make direct eye contact on the day of his/her birth. At that moment, I could palpably feel how special this boy was. I was instantly bonded to this tiny creature and felt as if Francis, Zaanti and I were moving in an ecstatic dance, looking at each other in turns, feeling our bodies close, breathing deeply and syncing the beat of our hearts.

This is the time when most women relax and enjoy the time with their baby. I had one more in me though! Thank goodness my friend Susie flew out from San Francisco and arrived a few minutes after Zaanti’s birth. She is a mother of two who gave birth at home and was a tremendous support for me during the pregnancy and labor. It was her therapist in Germany that has been helping me. As much as I wanted to keep cuddling with Zaanti, I let Susie care for him and just bring him in for feeding and cuddles. I knew I had to focus on my little girl Miela coming out. The thought of going through another skin-ripping delivery was frightening. But I knew that if I could do it once, I could do it twice.

Part III: Miela’s Birth

As soon as Zaanti came out, my attention split into two places and has remained that way since. One part of me was with Zaanti and the other with the unborn fetus in my belly. I kept checking in, wondering if contractions will start again. A few minutes passed after the first birth and nothing. I kept holding Zaanti and now another 10 minutes passed. I got cold so I climbed into bed. At this point it has probably been about 30 minutes and I asked Brenda if she could check me again and see what was going on. Miela’s heartbeat was steady and strong; I was dilated about 8cm, but had no contractions. I ate an enormous meal that was waiting for me and started to feel incredibly tired. It was already around 4am so Brenda suggested that I sleep a little and call her when the contractions recommenced. Francis and I cuddled up together and slept a few hours. I woke up a bit anxious for Miela to come out, but I was still strongly feeling a divine presence around me and felt very connected to my Inner Wisdom.

I took a walk, kept putting Zaanti on to nurse, ate, prayed, meditated and waited. It was tough for me to wait and allow the process to unfold. That was certainly one of the major gifts that these births have brought me – learning patience and allowing things to take the time they need. I ended up speaking with Kim in Germany again and she put me in an amazing frame of mind, welcoming this journey just as it was and connecting with Miela and asking her what she needed from me. It was very clear that there are two of us going through this birth and Miela had just as much of a role as I did. And this girly girl was so comfortable in the womb that she was in no rush to come out! At a certain point in the afternoon Brenda discovered that Miela had decided to play around since she had so much room – this lady went transverse (sideways) on me! This was the one and only time I had a hint of panic. I knew that transverse babies could not be delivered vaginally and I certainly did not feel that I had come so far just to have a c-section with the second birth. I turned within and searched for an intuitive guidance, and it became clear that I needed to use my resources and try everything I can to turn Miela around and give birth to her at home, unless there was any danger and we needed to rush to the hospital.

Having problems gives us the opportunity to experience the joy of coming to a solution. As I again connected with Kim in Germany, I instantly felt that I tapped into Spirit through her. She asked me to have Brenda check Miela’s heartbeat, estimate her positioning and find out if one of the placentas was blocking the cervix. Indeed that seemed to be the case. Then Brenda left the room and Kim guided me into a sort of trance. I entered a hyper awake state, completely lucid, but surreal. Kim and I worked together to connect with Miela, to encourage her to turn head down. I did certain hand movements over my belly and visualized what I wanted to happen. I imagined Miela and me together arranging the perfect space for her to turn and come out easily and effortlessly. I was in such a place of trust, felt so present, so aware of the physical and non-physical, that I may as well have been high. I’ve always said that I’m not interested in drugs because I am high on life and this time I was really living it!

And it worked! When Brenda came back in the room about 30 minutes later it was game on – the placenta had moved out of the cervical opening and Miela was in a vertex position and making her way down! I was still dilated 6-7cm. Apparently Brenda could feel contractions happening, but I couldn’t really feel them. Whew, what a difference from the day before with Zaanti’s excruciating labor. Like this, I could give birth all day long!

A few hours passed and Zaanti finally started breastfeeding. Evening turned into night and my contractions started getting stronger. In the early morning on Saturday, the contractions kept growing, but Miela was still not descending enough to push so I asked Brenda to break my water. I was getting tired and I was ready to stop walking around with the cord to Zaanti’s placenta sticking out a few inches between my legs. But most importantly, I wanted to hold both of my babies safely in my arms and kiss the bejesus out of them. So Brenda did the one and only intervention during the entire birth process. Around 9am she used some kind of a midwife tool to break my water. Within minutes my contractions got real strong, real fast. All of a sudden I remembered what it was like to have waves of pain come crashing over, but this time I knew how to relax into the sensations, allowing them to wash over me instead of fighting them. And it helped that I was too exhausted to even care about the discomfort! Soon, I felt the urge to push and after only a few pushes, Miela was born at 10:45am, 33 hours after her much older twin brother. She weighed 6lbs 6oz, a whole pound heavier than her brother, even though they were the same length. Healthy, pink, chubby baby was squirming and screaming in my arms. My heart was overflowing with so much love for this amazing creature who taught me so much already. That’s when I finally released more fully than I ever thought possible. I cried out in intelligible howls, holding Miela tightly to my heart, shaking and wailing. I did it! WE DID IT! My children were both here. They were healthy, beautiful and with all their parts in place. We were at home. I was in MY bed. I was a champion! I felt such a flood of emotions come over me that I think only Francis understood what I was saying because he was also floating in the Love-Joy-Beauty that surrounded us. I’ve had an evolving spiritual relationship with God/Spirit/Source, but at that moment it was clear: I was touching the Unnamed and it was holding all of us in its divine bliss.

The last thing left to do was birth the placentas. Once they came out I intended to encapsulate them and take them for hormonal balance, nutrients and milk production. Brenda checked the placentas and came to the bed exclaiming: “Zaanti is a miracle baby!” It turns out that he had a huge blood clot between his placenta and cord. That was why he wanted to come out early and it also explained why he was a pound less than Miela. This boy was so smart to break his water and signal to me that he needed to get out. Luckily, the blood clot did not affect him adversely as both of the babies had high Apgar scores. Miela, on the other hand, was as comfortable as could be and was in no rush to leave the womb. I already knew that they are their own people, with different personalities, but now I tangibly felt how unique they each are. And they’ve got separate birthdays to prove it!

Part IV: Happily Ever After

This miraculous birth passage certainly would not have been possible without all the amazing people who came to support us during this time. Although there were many that did not believe in our endeavor, the ones that trusted us showered us with their love and faith. I am so grateful for our lay midwife Brenda Capps who went above and beyond the call of duty by staying with us the whole six days and monitoring me and the babies closely the entire time. She is truly an earth angel! I am also incredibly grateful to the therapist in Germany, Kim Hutchinson, who was an inspirational and transformative guide for me during this birth. My friend Susie Small was also instrumental in our experience and to her I am forever indebted. Moreover, countless friends and family members were keeping us in their prayers and wishing us well. I am certain that their positive thoughts tremendously helped us in our birth journey and for that I am eternally grateful.

In the end, this unbelievable birth experience taught me so many wonderful lessons and has been the gift that keeps on giving. I learned to allow things to blossom at their own pace; just as an apple seed will take its own sweet time to become an apple tree. Patience was never a virtue of mine, and I used to think that sitting back was being idle. Now I feel that while it is essential to hold a strong intention, it is just as important to relax and enjoy the journey while it meanders. I now recognize more clearly that I am not in control and that I don’t need to try to fix things or figure them out all the time. I have grown to appreciate uncertainty and trust that the old proverb about everything happening for a reason really is true.

Another wonderful lesson has been to discover that there was a well of knowledge within me that was richer than any outside source. Had I relinquished my internal compass to experts, I would have had a very different birth experience. Had I ended up in the hospital, there were at least three instances during my labors that would have resulted in a C-section. Moreover, I would not have had the opportunity to build confidence in my intuition and my ability to manifest things that seem virtually impossible. It is amazing to live life recognizing that there is a sage inside of me and being able to communicate with this wisdom. I now viscerally feel an internal guidance that helps me make decisions, both big and small. I am convinced that everyone has their own guru inside and if they take the time to listen and then find the courage to follow this guide, they will be living a life of truly limitless and unimaginable proportions. If I can create this kind of a birth, what else can I create in my life? Truly, all things are possible – for me and for you!

The victory I felt as a result of this extraordinary birth experience was incredible… and necessary… because now I needed to manage breastfeeding and caring for these two angels. That is another story within itself that I will share with you another time. All you need to know is that we are still breastfeeding 9 months later and are all healthy and thriving!

My Miracle MoMos – an Aussie story

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Prenatal Education, Stories From ParentsLeave a comment

I have always loved babies, and so I was thrilled when, after 6 years together, my husband agreed we were ready to have one of our own!

After a fairly uneventful pregnancy, and a fast but fantastic water birth, we were blessed with a beautiful boy – Hudson. Delicious, fun-loving, bright, adventurous child – and thus a good advertisement to sell hubby on the idea of having more! I promptly started to hint that another child would complete our family. As we also had a 13 year old daughter from my previous relationship, a new baby would make 3, so it would be a bit of an adjustment…but we wanted Hudson to grow up with a sibling close to his age…and hopefully a daughter so Adam would have a son and daughter of his own.

Not one to leave things to chance, I followed my cycle with a vengeance. I ate all the stuff to “make a girl”, we took all our zinc and folate and everything else that was recommended…..then New Years Eve…a few drinks and a fun night out and…Success! A positive test 8 days after ovulation! We could hardly believe it. was soon tired and nauseous, but we were thrilled and excited.

After a nasty bout of the flu at 10 weeks, I dropped in to see my Ob before my first scheduled appointment – just to check all was okay.

“Let’s just listen to the heartbeat and check there is only one” he joked. I laughed absently.

As I lay on the bed looking at the blob on the screen, I couldn’t understand why the Dr was giving me the peace sign with his fingers.

“There’s 2.” he repeated.
“What?” I was confused.
“2 babies.”

Well that moment changed our lives forever!

As I lay there gob-smacked and freaking out, the Dr went on to tell me that the babies were Monoamniotic / Monochorionic identical twins, due to the egg splitting 8-13 days after fertilization. So I had known I was pregnant before they even became twins! Splitting just one day later could have meant conjoined/siamese twins. He continued explaining they have no dividing membrane – they share the same amniotic fluid – and are given a 50-70% chance of surviving the cord entanglement they create by twisting and turning around one another. Only 1% of all identical twins are MoMo. As they grow, it gets more and more dangerous, as the larger the baby the less room there is, and thus they can actually compress each others cords and cut off the vital supply of blood and nutrients from the umbilical cord. They also have a much higher rate of defects and anomalies. Thus we would have all the risks of a normal twin pregnancy… and much much more.

The Ob declared I should probably not tell anyone I was pregnant and wait for nature to take its course – a likely miscarriage. Needless to say I decided he was not the right doctor for me.

On shaky legs I left the clinic and phoned my husband – his first day at a new job. A memorable day for sure! We weren’t sure if we should rejoice or cry. We did a bit of both.

We started seeing a maternal fetal specialist, with fortnightly ultrasounds. There were so many decisions to make – how much monitoring, when to deliver, when to start steroids for their lungs etc.. There is so little research on these twins – they are so rare, making studies hard to conduct. Through the one support group in the world (www.monoamniotic.org) we learnt of the most successful treatment plan – and we fought for it every step of the way. Our new specialist agreed to allow us to be part of the decision-making process. She was wonderful, compassionate and positive; a pioneer in her field and world-renowned. In a tragic twist of events, she took her own life when I was 19 weeks pregnant. We were saddened and bewildered.

Assigned a new specialist, we fought all the battles again, and a plan was roughly laid out: weekly scans from 24 weeks, then by 28 weeks to be inpatient at the hospital to be monitored daily. Then if all went well we would deliver by c-section at 32 weeks (a vaginal delivery was out of the question due to the danger created by the cord entanglement, as well as the risk of cord prolapse). We were given the option of termination due to the stressful nature of the pregnancy, and the uncertain outcome and risks…but we had already fallen in love with our little blobs!

When MoMo’s survive they are known to be the closest twins of all as they have been in physical contact since conception, they have been seen holding hands and sleeping forehead to forehead in the womb…. and then similarly once born. Some of the ultrasound pics are amazing. 2 little bodies wrapped around one another in a tight cuddle……2 faces looking eye to eye at one another…..we couldn’t wait to see our girls share this bond. Through our 31 ultrasounds we were indeed witness to much cuddling and spooning – and some kicking and poking!

The weeks slowly pass – my concerns allayed with frequent MFM appointments, and a home hand- held Doppler for reassurance.

At 28 weeks I became a resident on the maternity wing. I cried for days – missing my children, my husband and my home. Frightened for my babies and daunted at what lay ahead. My poor husband had the task of running the household, cooking, cleaning, working full-time, taking kids to school and day care etc etc .…as well as making sure he visited me every day without fail! He was a true hero – my rock. My wonderful mother brought Hudson in twice a week to spend time with me, and my daughter Xani often came after school and sat on my bed and kept me company.

We were told not to set up a nursery as it would make it too hard if we lost one or both the twins, so I spent time pouring over catalogues wondering what if anything I might need. We discussed what car to buy to accommodate our large family…and we discussed whether we would get the same car if only one baby survived. We discussed whether we would want to try for another baby if they both died. We could hardly believe the things we were discussing…

I had CTGs 3 times a day to check their heartbeats, an ultrasound every second day to monitor the cord entanglement (which was evident from 12 weeks), and steroid injections weekly to prepare their tiny lungs for their early arrival.

Finally my 5-week stay in hospital was coming to an end – we had reached 32 weeks with few scares, only to be told the NICU was full and we would have to wait another day. After a sleepless night, we awoke to again be told all of Brisbane was full, and we would be flown elsewhere – to just await the announcement.

As we ate breakfast suddenly midwives arrived with a gown and the news 2 beds were now free and we were to deliver our babies immediately.

I was terrified, so the lack of time to ponder what was about to happen was probably just what I needed; as well as some expert hand-holding and brow-stroking from Adam. I had previously had 2 natural drug-free, full term births – so this premmie, high-risk c-section was daunting to say the least!

In no time at all our 2 tiny girls were born within minutes of each other – the girls screamed as they entered the world, and continued to breathe on their own! Harper 1.9kg and Cleo 1.5kg – tiny but perfect. They got an 8 and a 9 on their apgar scores. They never needed oxygen, or any meds at all. They were even brought straight to us (after a quick once over) for a cuddle….I cried and cried as I never expected to see their little faces before they were covered in tubes, and put in humidicribs. I really had never let myself believe they would make it…. It was an incredible moment!

As the cords were examined a shocked silence fell over the room. The girls had survived horrific entanglement, with a true knot at one point. We delivered them just in time…..they were truly our miracle MoMos.

They were in NICU overnight, then much to everyone’s amazement moved straight to Special Care. They had gastro tubes for feeding…but breastfed from 33 weeks once a day…by 34 weeks it was twice a day… I pumped hourly to increase my milk supply….day and night. Let-down was so hard to achieve without my babies…often I wondered if I had even had babies as I rarely held them, there was no nursery for them and I hardly fed them. But we were lucky – we saw many other families facing much harder journeys in the nursery. Still, the Special Care experience can hardly be described…it is an exhausting rollercoaster ride, of guilt and worry. But for us it was a strange relief to see them in the crib with their monitors and tubes! This to us was the best possible outcome of a treacherous pregnancy.

After only 30 days in hospital, Cleo and Harper came home and have never looked back.

After two previous singleton, natural, yoga-filled, water-birthed pregnancies and babies, this fully monitored, medically overdosed, terrifyingly uncertain pregnancy with a caesarean and long term hospital stay, plus NICU and SCN for our premmie babies….sure was a test on our marriage, our strength , our positivity, our emotions, and our ability to look beyond and into the future.

We made it and will be forever grateful we were lucky enough to be blessed with our miracle twins.

A day in the life of a mother of twins

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Postnatal Education, Stories From ParentsLeave a comment

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well! Since I never have time to talk on the phone anymore, here’s a long update email. I can’t believe I’m telling you that our babies are already two months old – amazing. They are doing just great. Brandon is now wearing 3-6 month clothing for the most part, and Cara is starting to fit nicely into her 0-3 month clothes. Brandon is approx. 10.5lbs and Cara is approx. 9.5lbs. Although their weights aren’t much different, Brandon is thinner and longer which means he needs bigger sizes.

We are hoping to get some portraits taken this week (could be an interesting juggling act!) and the babies will be having their first vaccinations on Monday. We are very thankful that we did manage to find a wonderful pediatrician who agreed to take us on – poor guy had no idea what he was getting into!. (Not sure if it’s the case in Newfoundland/Labrador, but here it’s very hard to find doctors taking new patients – almost impossible.)

Cara is now starting to really focus on things around the nursery and she often holds our fingers and sometimes grabs our clothes while we feed her. Brandon is still our lively boy who just desperately needs food the minute his eyes open. He is always looking for the next source of food and I had a good laugh yesterday when he was lying next to Cara in her crib and he managed to latch onto her cheek! She got a slurpy kiss that she wasn’t expecting!! He did a sweet little cooing noise and grinned at a picture on the wall that Aunt Barbara made this morning – his first coo! Cara is getting more smiley all the time, and thankfully she continues to be patient and relaxed. She really enjoys the swing.

Yesterday Keith and I managed to get out for breakfast and get through the entire meal with both babies sleeping. Woo hoo! Babies get tons of attention when we are out. At first this was thrilling for me, but already I find myself sometimes pulling down the sun shades on their stroller so that we can get in and out of stores without too many people stopping us.

Since Grandma and Poppy left last weekend, we’ve hired a nanny named Tiffany to help me out during the day. She’s a part-time university student. She’s really nice and is great at helping out whenever and wherever needed – she seems to be enjoying getting to know the babies and dogs. I must admit that although I first thought I could easily do this myself, I really appreciate the second set of hands and being able to run a few errands during the day that would otherwise have to be done when Keith’s at home.

That’s all for now- Cara’s waking up and Brandon is asleep on my chest… so time to do another switcheroo!

Tracy

Triplets: Luke, Trent & Brandon Clawson

Posted by Lynda Haddonon August 30, 2012August 25, 2017in Prenatal Education, Stories From ParentsLeave a comment

Dave and I had been trying for over 2 years to get pregnant. We were on our 6th try of artificial insemination with fertility medication. On this magical 6th try I had been told that we would get on the waiting list for invitro 5mths early. Just hearing this made my stress level drop tremendously. Finally, I felt the pressure lift. Like every other time

I went into the clinic with Dave’s magical swimmers hoping it would work. I had 7 eggs ready and I felt like that was a heavenly number. So on 30Mar07 I was inseminated with Dave’s swimmers. I went home and went about life just like I had before, but this time it was different. I had 4 babies growing inside of me. At exactly 2 weeks later, I took a pregnancy test at 0615 in the morning. I didn’t wait to miss my period like I normally did because I actually had a symptom of being pregnant, wait make that 2 symptoms. I was unusually tired and my breasts were tender and sore (which hadn’t happened since we started the fertility treatment). So as I watched my urine absorb across the result window I noticed 2 lines and not just one. I immediately ran to Dave and woke him up and exclaimed “We are Pregnant!” He asked me “are you sure, you better take another one to be sure” I knew I didn’t need another one because as a lab tech I know that false positive pregnancy tests almost never happen. I told him I would get another one done when I went into the doctor

I immediately got dressed and went out the door to the OB clinic at WHMC. It wasn’t even 7am when I arrived at the clinic. I was then told I had to wait until 0830 to have the test ordered. So, being a lab tech I just marched upstairs to the lab and went ahead and had them draw my blood so I wouldn’t have to wait to have it done later. Once the test was ordered I had to wait one hour for the results. I wasn’t worried, just excited to see the results in the computer that I was officially pregnant. A quantitative test was ordered and when the results came back I almost fainted because the number that came back was a sign straight from God to me that everything would work out. The number was 714 which is my birthday. All of my life that number has meant good things for me and I knew this case was no different. The reassurance that number gave me made me feel so loved by God. At this time, we had no idea more than one baby was growing inside of me. To confirm pregnancy a scan was done on me at 7wks and while we were waiting to hear word from the doctors doing the scan I felt worried something was wrong. Instead of asking what is wrong I decided to take a positive approach and ask if there was more than one baby and they said “There are 3 babies” At that moment I felt great, not overwhelmed at all because I knew it was a blessing. Then Dr. Retzolff did the scan again and found a 4 th heart beat. All of a sudden I was terrified. I had known many triplets to carry a long time, but quadruplets? I wasn’t sure how long they could be carried and what problems could arise. He called the high risk clinic right away and let them know my situation.

My first appointment at the high risk clinic was the next day. They explained to me all of the risks and problems associated with quadruplets. They also explained to me that it might be better to selectively reduce to triplets or twins. Deep with in me I knew there was absolutely no way I could do that and once I confirmed Dave felt the same way I knew we would have 4 babies. At 9 wks the infertility clinic did another scan to confirm multiples and at this time we learned that the 4 th baby had reduced on it’s own. We felt very sad, but we knew it would be for the best. Triplets are born so much healthier. We trusted that God knows best and in our situation it must have been best for us to have triplets and not quadruplets. We did mourn the reduced baby and Thanked God it happened as early as it did instead of later.

We had our next appointment at 13wks and everything was going great and from that point on we had appointment every 3 wks until 20 wks. At 18wks we got to find out that we were having 3 Boys!! We called everyone we knew to tell them about the boys growing inside of me. I felt much better about telling people that didn’t know at this point. I was already showing so much, so everyone I worked with and came across could tell. I would kindly ask everyone that knew to pray for us because we needed it. I know prayers get answered and the more people that prayed the same prayer of healthy 36weeker triplets, the more attention God would pay to our prayers. At 20 wks I started to feel them move on a regular basis which to me was the best part of being pregnant. It is a connection I know I will never feel again (unless I get pregnant again).

At 25wks I felt a dull constant pain in the left side of my upper belly for over an hour. I decided to go in to the triage nurse and get checked out. I was not sure if I was having contraction and Thank God I wasn’t. It was too soon to be having our babies. I was sent back to work and told that if I felt tightening of my lower stomach that would be contractions. Once I got back to work, my boss decided it was time for me to be on half days. The half days were an absolute blessing because I was so tired. I would take a nap everyday after work as it was.

At 29 wks I started having contractions regularly at work, so I walked over to the hospital to get checked out again. This time I was indeed having contractions and they decided it was best to admit me and monitor me for 24hrs. My contractions were not regular enough for them to think I was in active labor, but they were concerned. They gave me Turbuline to stop the contractions. The medicine worked and I stopped having regular contractions, so the next morning they released me to bed rest at home. Dr. Striteman informed me that if I came back in for contractions they would admit me.

I was thrilled to be on bed rest, but I knew it would be very boring. I wasn’t suppose to do anything but lay around, go to the bathroom and sleep. I of course could not follow the strict orders I was given. I still cooked for myself and Dave sometimes. Dave did most of the work though; I really couldn’t do any house work. I would usually go outside and sit in the sun for about 15 minutes a day (this helped my mood tremendously). I watched a lot of TV. I got hooked on TNT which had Prime Time in the day time, so I was not watching soap operas. The babies moved all the time so that kept me entertained most of the time. If they didn’t move for awhile, I would push on my tummy where I thought they were to make them move.

During my 33rd week I got up to go to the bathroom and as I was walking to the bathroom I slipped and fell on my side. Thankfully I did not fall straight forward. I was still worried something could have happened inside to the babies, so I called the triage line. I was told to come in and get checked out and be observed for 4 hours. My mom was visiting, so we all went into the hospital. I thought for sure they would have to admit me. I had my bag and everything. I was having some painful contractions, but after an hour or so they subsided. They released me after about 6 hours. My blood pressure was a little high so I had to do a nasty 24-hour urine collection to check for protein. Thankfully it was normal and I did not have pre-eclampsia at the time. I was good to stay on bed rest at home. Every day I stayed pregnant was so good for the babies. I was at the point of average delivery for triplets.

I had one more growth scan to check on the babies at 34wks. Each baby estimated about 5lbs which was mind blowing. We were so blessed. Just had two more weeks to go to reach our goal of 36wks. Plus my mother-in-law would be here during the 36 th week so we really hoped I would have the boys during her stay. She arrived on Sat. the 17 th to stay until Sun. the 25 th

We all went into antepartum testing on 20Nov07 to make sure everything was ok with the boys. I was 35wks and 5 days along. Upon checking my blood pressure, they discovered it was a little high (which can indicate pre-eclampsia). They had us wait in the waiting room. Dave went to the chow hall and got us some lunch, Thank God because unknown to me it would be my last actual meal until Friday. The doctor’s decided to admit me and run a 12hr urine protein. Before I even started the test, Dr. Shields decided to induce labor that night. I still completed the urine and it indeed came back high, so I had pre-eclampsia. I called my mom to let her know what was going on. She decided to leave early the next morning to get here to be with us. She arrived the next morning around 9am.

Around 9pm on November 20 2007 I was given prosatglandins to start the induction process. Early the next morning they decided to do a foli-bulb because I had only dilated ½ a centimeter. Once the foli-bulb came out on it’s own that would mean I was dilated 4 to 5 centimeters. The foli-bulb process was pretty intense and it took a good 6 hourrs for it to come out.

At 330pm on 21Nov07, the doctors decided it was time to try and speed the process of labor up, so they broke Luke’s water. Around 7pm I got my catheter and epidural put in. They started Pitossin as well. The epidural stopped working around 4am on 22Nov07 and I really felt the contractions. The contractions would start in my back radiate around to the front. It was beyond any pain I had ever experienced. Before the shift changed at 0630 the doc came in and told me I was 7 centimeters dilated which was good. Then, around 0830 the next shift of doctors arrived and the doc that examined me said I was only 5centimeters. I asked how long I could go without delivering and I was told a couple of days. I was really worried about infections for Luke at this point and in so much pain. I asked for pain medicine because my epidural was not working no matter how much medicine they gave me in it. I received the pain medicine around 0900 and at 1000 Dr. Retzolff came in and told me it was decided that a c-section would be best since I was not progressing. I felt so relieved because I knew the longer I had waited for labor to progress the higher the chances for Luke to get an infection. I hadn’t showered in 2 days, so I knew my normal flora was getting out of control. The last thing I wanted was for my newborn baby to have an infection that could have been prevented.

At 1115 I was taken to the OR to get set up and have the c-section. Dave was able to walk down to the room with me, but he had to wait until I was prepped to enter the OR. When I was wheeled into the OR, there must have been 20 doctors in there and it was not a big room. They had 3 warmers with a team of doctors and nurses for each baby ready for them. They switched me from my hospital bed to the operating table, had me place my arms down and placed blankets on them so I wouldn’t accidentally raise them during the surgery. They cleaned my stomach with iodine, shaved my pubic region, gave me all kinds of numbing medicine thru my epidural, gave me another iv for more anesthesia and once I was all set up they let Dave in the room. They checked to make sure I was numb enough. My right side was completely numb, but my left side was not. They decided I was numb enough to perform the surgery. I remember feeling the sensation of being cut open, but not any pain.

Once I was cut open, they started pulling and tugging on all of my insides to get to the babies. Then at 1149am my first baby was born and like the most heavenly music to my ears was my Luke’s cry. They showed him to me and not even one minute later Trent was born and again I heard his beautiful cry. It seemed like forever until Brandon was born because I was so tired from the pain medicine, anesthesia, epidural and the process of labor. However, only 2 minutes had passed since Trent’s birth to Brandon’s birth. And once again I heard the beautiful cry of another healthy baby boy. After Brandon’s birth I fell asleep for a few minutes and woke to the slight pain of them cutting out Brandon’s placenta. I fell back asleep and woke up in the recovery area. All of a sudden I was so thirsty and all they could give me was a couple of ice cubes because they were waiting to see if I was going back to the OR. My uterus was so stretched from having 3 big babies in it that it was tired and wasn’t contracting and clamping down like it should.

So, I was bleeding and not stopping. I must have been stable enough to make it to the recovery room, but things could change at any moment. I am not sure how long I was in the recovery room because time seemed to stand still. I just wanted to see my precious babies and hold them like I knew everyone else was getting to do that was there at the hospital with me. Not that I didn’t want anyone to hold my babies, but I wanted to hold them. I had worked to hard to have them and I felt jealous that everyone else was getting that chance and not me. I knew I was so blessed that they were born healthy and at that point in the recovery room I didn’t even know how healthy they actually were. I wanted to get out of the recovery room and get to my room where someone could tell me what was going on with my babies. If only I could have gotten out of my bed by myself. Plus, I knew once I returned to my room I could get something to drink and I was so thirsty that if I was able to get up from this bed I felt trapped in I would walk to my room demand to see my babies and get something to drink.

The ladies in the recovery room were very nice and only doing what was best for me. They checked my blood pressure again and I stabilized even more so they called the docs to find out if I could return to my room to continue my recovery there. They got the okay from the docs, gave me a few more ice cubes to suck on and wheeled me up to my room.

Once I returned to my room, only my Mom was there because Dave had taken his Mom to see and hold the babies. I felt so tired that I fell asleep and woke up to 2 doctors telling me how low my hematacrit was (21%) and that I needed blood. So by all means give me the life-saving blood I needed; they was no need to ask me. I received two units and while receiving the second unit I woke up and as the blood was going in it stung. I informed the nurse and she said that was normal, so another sigh of relief. Once Dave returned he told me all about our beautiful sons. I wanted to see them so badly, but I didn’t have the energy to go to the NICU. I asked how much they weighed. What a Miracle They all weighed over 5lbs. Luke weighed 5lbs 4oz, Trent weighted 5lbs 14oz and Brandon weighed 5lbs 7oz. I was absolutely amazed and so Thankful to God. I made it to 36wks exactly. We were told that our triplets were the healthiest triplets ever born at Wilford Hall. Since they were so healthy, they got to room in with us after only 12 hours in the NICU which is unheard of.

My sister, Dione, and my brother, Matthew, arrived around 8pm. Dave’s brother had been in San Antonio for 4 weeks so he was also at the hospital.

The babies finally were brought to my room around 11pm so I could hold them. They were so beautiful! They were wearing crocheted Christmas hats, little Wilford Hall t-shirts and all wrapped up in blankets. They were wheeled in a cradle. So, sweet and tiny! How could anyone love so much? I was so happy to finally see and hold our baby boys. They were so sleepy. I didn’t blame them, we had a rough few days. We finally had our family.

The nurses had to take the babies back to the NICU for another hour (hospital policy). Dave had to go down there to prove he could take care of them. It took him 52 minutes to change all three diapers! I even called him to see what was taking so long. He finally brought them back to the room. The NICU nurses were so nice and helpful. They came to our room every couple of hours to check on the babies. The hospital staff was absolutely wonderful to us. We couldn’t have asked for better. We were released together 3 days later on Sunday Nov. 25 th. When we got home Dave, Dione, Chris and my Mom started moving furniture so we were better set up to take care of our new babies. Dione left later that day. My Mom stayed for one week. Then Chris went back to Germany on December 6 2007.

After that we were on our own. We handled it pretty well for about a week, then it got too hard. We decided to go to New York for the Holidays and get help. We were absolutely blessed we were able to go. We had a wonderful time there and we got the help and rest we needed. We came back to Houston so I could stay with my family and Dave could go back to work and get the house ready for us to come home. We finally felt like we could take care of them ourselves once we left Dione’s. We have been doing great ever since.

We thank God everyday for the blessings he has given us and our beautiful family. We are so very happy.

Mommy (Destiny) and Daddy (Dave) Clawson