Angels on my pillow

My husband and I were college sweethearts who married one week after graduation. We have spent the last seven and a half years as a double income no kids family. We finally decided to take the plunge into mother and fatherhood back in June.

I got pregnant right away and 8 weeks later I found out I was very pregnant with twins. My pregnancy was normal (according to my OB). How would I know? This was my first time in this ballgame. Around 18 weeks I found out that I was carrying identical twin boys and everything appeared fine. They were developing beautifully with no problems. Since I was getting really uncomfortable around this time, I decided to resign from my full time job and rest. I resigned on Monday and lost my babies on Wednesday of the same week.

That Wednesday night was very normal. My husband and I ate dinner and even went for a swim at our gym. I went to bed and woke up an hour later with terrible pain in my lower belly. I called the doctor and my water broke while I was on the phone with her. Since I was 20 weeks along I immediately knew what this meant for my babies. We rushed to the ER and minutes later I was told that there was no chance either of my boys would make it. I suffer from an incompetent cervix and it had spontaneously opened that October 27th with absolutely no warning. In fact just a week or two prior my cervix had been perfect. Apparently with this problem it can happen in a matter of minutes.

The next morning I delivered my boys vaginally. We held them and cried and had the hospital chaplain baptize them with our tears, which were plentiful. A week later we buried them and had a memorial service to honor their memory. We planted a bulb garden in our back yard with flowers that will bloom around their due date which was projected to be March 16, 2005.

Each day is a struggle to survive emotionally. I know that things will get easier and the only thing that gives me comfort is knowing that I will see them again in heaven. It helps to picture them sleeping beside me, angels on my pillow at night, watching over me, stroking my hair and telling me how much they love me. My heart goes out to the mommies and daddies here on earth with empty arms. Someday we will hold our babies in heaven.

Kristie, Black Mountain, NC

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