My husband and I have been together for 6 years. I have 2 girls from my previous marriage who are 18 and 10 years old. My husband longed for a child of his own and I wished to share the same. As my tubes had been tied for 9 years, we had many hurdles and tests galore before I could have a reversal done. My tubal reversal was completed in November 2005 and I became pregnant in May of 2006. I was scheduled for an ultrasound right away as my chance of an etopic pregnancy was high due to the reversal.

Well was I ever shocked to learn that all was fine and I was carrying not 1 but 2 little babies. I was soooo happy and I rushed home to tell my husband as soon as possible. Spending $7000.00 on the tubal reversal was sure worth it. I felt like I had hit the 2 for 1 lotto. We had no twins on either side of our families.

The morning sickness (which lasted all day, everyday) finally let up by the 4-month period and I was glad the summer heat was finally gone. My husband and I daydreamed what it would be like. At my 18-week ultrasound I left with a picture of “baby A” sucking her thumb and “baby B” fighting long enough to stay still and have a good picture taken. I pinned it on the fridge and looked at it throughout my day, sometimes even talking to them.

Then on Sept 16, at 20 weeks I began to feel fluid leaking. I didn’t panic at that moment because I wasn’t sure if it was urine. My husband took me to the hospital where they examined me. As the nurse pressed on my stomach to find the position of each baby, I felt a huge gush of fluid come out of me. I was now bleeding. (I had had a lot of bleeding at 9 weeks and had been told then that I was “lucky” because the twins had survived a threatened miscarriage.) The doctor then examined me and said I had a “bulging membrane” and there was nothing he could do. He would ask another hospital if they would take me and try to perform a cerclage (sew up my cervix). Maybe they could save one of them. He said they probably wouldn’t take us because I was only 20 weeks and they prefer at least 28 weeks. He then left us in the room. I was crying.

How could they not take us? My husband tried to console me and we cried. The doctor came back and said the hospital would take us. It was a long ambulance ride.

I had a specialist attend to me at the new hospital where they did an exam and ultrasound right away. The news was bad. The doctor told us that I had been sent there with false information. As it turns out, I was carrying identical twin girls, each in their own sac but sharing the placenta. It wasn’t possible to “save” just one. I begged her to try the cerclage at which point she said she would try but the chances were slim. I was given an epidural and prepped in the operating room. I prayed to God to take me with my girls if they could not be saved because I didn’t want to live if they couldn’t live. I could hear the doctor saying “sorry Kim, there’s nothing we can do” but I couldn’t move. As they wheeled me out of the room and I saw my husband, I began sobbing. I delivered one angel at 8:30 and one at 9:10 AM. We held our girls and cried.

We heard other people in the hallway laughing and celebrating many times through our ordeal and I can say that at those times of laughter, I thought some very cruel things. I felt a loneliness inside of me that I will never be able to explain. Most of all, I felt defeated. “Why?” was all I could say and ask.

We went home that evening (after signing many, many forms at the hospital) I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up, I thought that I had dreamed the whole thing. I looked down at my stomach and sobbed. Its been 40 days and I still cry everyday. Each day the times between the crying get longer and the crying doesn’t last as long but it still hurts badly. My husband had been very supportive in my every need and he still grieves, but in his own way.

It turns out that I have an incompetent cervix . I had a cone biopsy done after my 10 year old was born, which weakens the cervix. I guess my doctor “forgot” that he had done the cone biopsy. When we asked him why he had not mentioned the cerclage, knowing that he had done a cone biopsy, he just told us that “the cone biopsy would have caused scar tissue and that should have strengthened your cervix.” He then told me that I would have a cerclage done at 15 weeks should I become pregnant again and that my chances of a full term pregnancy would be good because the likelihood of us conceiving twins were less than 1% the next time around. I left his office crying, the same way I cried as I sat in the waiting room full of pregnant women, waiting my turn to see him. Time for a new doctor.

Thank you for letting me share my story. Reading the other stories have helped me to know that I’m not alone and I thank all the other parents for allowing me to share in your stories.

Kim

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