Unlike most of your stories, my loss was not recent. In 1995, my husband and I found out that we were having identical twin girls. We felt so lucky and blessed. We already had a 1 1/2 year old girl, and we were so excited to be having twins.
My pregnancy was perfect. My babies were big, and every ultrasound looked great. I also had regular non-stress tests. On June 17, I was 38 weeks and I went into labour. My husband and I went to the hospital and stayed for 7 hours, but then my labour stopped. We discussed with our doctor the options. She said that if we induced we could end up with doing a c-section if things did not progress. We did not want a surgical intervention unless it was really neccessary, so we went home. That was a long week. I was 39 weeks and the babies were both over 6 pounds. I was not going into labour and I was tired. We decided that they would induce me on June 24th. Sometime in the middle of the night of June 24th I went into labour on my own. We were so happy – finally we would see our girls. Words cannot express our shock and horror when the doctor told us “A is dead, I do not know if we can save B”. My husband and I were in shock. I then began to push, as though I had to deliver my girls right then.
I cannot explain the absolute sorrow of seeing my baby “A” Carolyn lying on the table not moving or crying. It is a sight that will haunt me forever. Then thank God our twin”B” Maria was born – alive and kicking. Such joy, and such sorrow all at the same time.
We had an autopsy done, the doctors were stumped at what had happened. Carolyn had more blood than Maria, it was a case of acute twin-twin transfusion syndrome. Their size difference was minimal. There had been no indication during the pregnancy of this occuring.
We went on to have another baby, a boy – Adam. I have 3 amazing children: Annika, Maria and Adam here on earth, and one angle in heave – Carolyn.
Although it has been almost 10 years since losing our precious twin daughter, it is a pain that never truly disappears. We are a happy family, and we speak of Carolyn often. Maria is a ball of fire and we all joke what it would have been like to have two like her!
Hug your children everyday, and know that your angels in heaven will always watch over you.
Jill (Vancouver, Canada)