Tragic Loss

My name is Elaine and in October 2000 my husband and I went through IVF and conceived triplets (identical twins + singleton). We were thrilled, yet cautious because I knew the risk went up significantly with multiples. I was very very ill with OHSS* and in hospital for one month with blood clots in my lungs.

I eventually recovered from the OHSS and things seemed to be going along okay when, on February 20, 2001, one of the waters broke and I discovered that I was in labor (no real symptoms other than back ache which I was told was probably going to be normal for me during this pregnancy). Unfortunately, all three of our precious boys were born that day and lived for just a few hours each. We did not see or hold them because we just had no idea what to do and no one really came to talk to us and tell us how important this would be to us or gave us some idea of what our boys looked like. Fortunately, the NICU nurse took pictures, footprints and handprints, and kept their wristbands, etc. so we do have these precious momentos.

In the past year and a half I have done a lot of reading and research on tragic loss, grief, and perinatal bereavement and wish there were some way I could get more involved in helping people in this situation and educating the public. I am doing some volunteer work right now with planning a Walk To Remember to be held in October and I am part of the Parent-to-Parent Support Group in my hometown.

My beautiful boys have taught me so much. Thank you for listening.

Yours truly,

Elaine, Mommy to Rem, Declan and Dawson (b/d Feb 20, 2001 at 21 weeks)

* OHSS is Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome which can occur with IVF. It is caused by the hyperstimulation of the ovaries through medication. When the eggs are harvested the fluid in each follicle leaks into the abdomen (this happens naturally during ovulation). Because of the number of follicles produced, a significant amount of fluid results. When severe, it can cause the body to dehydrate and the blood to thicken. This is why I developed blood clots that went into my lungs (pulmonary emboli).

Elaine has created a website for her sons at: